Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Life with baby myths vs. reality
When you first get pregnant many people are quick to fill you full of ideas about parenting that often seem blown out of proportion. They tell you their tales of woe and then, relieved of their perceived duty to the expectant parents, they leave you alone to experience it yourself. Some of the things they tell you are indeed the truth. For instance, babies will poop all day long and then all night long, especially those first couple weeks. The week after our daughter was born my husband announced that she was " six pounds poop, fourteen ounces of baby". Though technically incorrect (I think) it does sum up those first weeks of adjusting to newborn poo. However some things that are told to new parents are just myths. I call them myths because accusing the people who love you of lying to your face seems truly mean, but the fact remains that people perpetuate these myths. Here are six of those myths, together with their reality counterpart, because I want you to know the truth-even if it will give you a migraine.
1.Don't worry, you can sleep when the baby sleeps.
Uh yeah, right. It seems as though the moment you give birth people expect you to be able to sleep walk. And not just in the bump into walls, chat about your dreams way, they straight up expect you to accomplish things while you sleep. Some of these include: eating, showering, using the toilet, tidying a room or anything else that might need to be done. Of course if you ignore all of those things and sleep while the baby sleeps then soon your bedpan will overflow and you will have to put down the awake crying baby to clean it up. Really, it's better if you do some of this while the baby is asleep and learn to nurse side lying so you can nap while baby is awake and nursing. Learning to nurse and nap will save your life, and you'll be cleaner.
2.Oh that will fit her, it's a 6 month size and she'll be almost six months at easter/christmas/special occasion that requires special clothes.
No, no it won't. Do you know why it won't? Because baby clothes lie, they are filthy filthy liars about when they will fit your child. You can almost never predict when something is going to fit your child unless you are buying it to be worn that week, and even then you have to look at the size and then hold it up and guess. "Well yeah, it says six months, but it looks smaller then that dress she just outgrew.." is how all shopping for baby clothes will go. Ninja baby is three months old and wearing some 3-6, some 3 and some 6-9 clothes. They all fit her, it's a little crazy to look through her drawer. Some of her 6 month clothes are snug, some would fall right off if I dressed her in them. Every brand is different, and every style is different. A 6 month onzie in brand A may fit while footie pajamas of the same brand hang off of her. My advice, buy too big- the baby will always grow, they will never shrink.
3. But you need a swing/bouncer/exersaucer/go pod/ door way bouncer/ stroller/ ergo/sling/pump/etc...
Let me be very upfront about something right now: As I type, ninja baby is playing in her bouncy seat. I know, I know, some attachment parent-right? Honestly, I love to baby wear, I do it all the time, but sometimes I do set my baby down. For a short period of time, usually no more than twenty minutes, ninja baby will happily play in a bouncy seat or use her baby gym. When she fusses, I pick her up again. It's a nice break for the both of us. Point is, i'm not going to tell you that any of the items listed are evil, I just know that all you really need are diapers, blankets, clothes and boobs. Really, if you do E.C. in a warm climate you can boil it down to boobs. That's it. Everything else, the fancy stroller or baby carrier, the bouncy seat or the swing, it's all bonus. Sometimes the bonus is nice, but it's still a bonus. And yes, I know, before you all beat me up- some women are unable to breastfeed their children. I feel for them, and I am not referring to them. Unless you cannot physically breastfeed, all you need to care for an infant is boobs.
4. If you hold that baby all the time you will spoil her!
Let's break this down, shall we? To be spoiled is to have a sense of entitlement. To have a sense of entitlement, you must have a distinct sense of self. Therefore, it is impossible to spoil a baby because they have no sense of self. If your baby needs you (which they do, especially if they are crying) pick them up. Day or night, wherever you are, whatever you are doing.End of story.
5. You will never have sex again.
Although every parent hears this a bit, it's even more common once you let on that your baby sleeps in your bed. Everyone assumes that A. Your bed is the only place to have sex, and B. the presence of a child in the house will deter the fun times. Truth be told, I chuckle when I get this reaction. Yes, that immediate postpartum time is long, and yes it may be a while before you are interested, but you will have sex again. You will have sex if for no other reason then the baby is sound asleep and you are feeling the sexiest you have in months-what with the clean hair and fresh pajamas and all. Sometimes, post baby, thats all it takes.
6. It gets easier.
I heard that one so much the first couple weeks.In fact I continue to hear it today, I don't buy it though. Yes, some things get easier. I no longer struggle to change a diaper in a tight corner in public. I know what her noises and cries mean and I can nurse that baby anywhere. But just because some things are easier does not mean the whole parenting job is easier, in fact everyday comes with new challenges. Like discovering that she can roll over and will roll right off the blanket I set her on if she so desires. So while the days of no sleep and colic will pass, different things will take their place. In the end, I think parenting will be hard for the rest of my life, just in many different ways. Hold and cuddle that baby while you can, one day they will be moving out and won't want mama snuggles anymore. I for one, am willing to hold on to todays challenges for a little bit longer.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Birth Of Ninja Baby
July 10,2012
I woke with the alarm going off to the feeling of contractions rippling across my stomach. This was nothing new, I had been in podromal labor for almost four weeks at this point. My husband was lying around in bed refusing to get up for work, I was desperate for the bathroom, it was just a normal morning. In the bathroom I noticed bloody show and mucus, nothing too exciting as you can lose a plug weeks before the birth, but this seemed to be "it". After experiencing several more contractions while reading up on true bloody show vs. loss of plug I informed my husband that this could be the day. All semblance of normalcy ceased as I called the midwife to let her know what was going on. She told me sometime in the next day seemed likely so I should eat a good meal and sleep,sleep,sleep. My husband should go to work if I did not feel that I needed him around, and I should try to act normal.
Well, as anyone who has ever known a woman going into labor will tell you, acting normally or sleeping is out of the question. Problem was I was exhausted, but I still refused to listen to reason. I sent my husband to work and cleaned the bathroom, ate a small breakfast, and finally fessed up about the mornings happenings to my niece who was staying with us to help before and after baby came. She of course made me recline on the couch in front of a movie, but I still kept getting up to clean this, or arrange that, or check the home birth supplies, or anything I could think of. I could hardly sit still at all! The contractions were becoming more noticeable by late afternoon so I called my husband to come home early thinking it could really get going any time now.
Once he was home I relaxed a bit more and tried to focus on resting while I could. I had almost no appetite, and felt as though eating were out of the question. I managed a few bites of dinner before giving up to sit on the birth ball and breathe my way through a few contractions. We decided to call my mom and sister who were coming for the birth and have them start the hour and a half trip to my house. Lying down became uncomfortable and I began wandering from the ball to the steps for leaning until they arrived. When they arrived we chatted for a while, telling them what to expect as neither had attended a home birth before when I felt the strangest urge to pee I had ever experienced. I went to the bathroom and experienced a gush of fluid-my water had broken! We called the midwife who asked if I felt that I needed her, but I said not yet. She advised that we all try to sleep- it was already ten at night and I been up since six after only three hours of sleep the night before. So off to sleeping spots we went.
Around midnight lying down became absolutely unbearable, so I called and had my midwife come. She asked if she could bring a student, which I okayed, and then told me to call the assistant/doula and have her set out. With everyone called I decided to try a bath to relax. The midwife took some heart tones when she arrived and talked with me a bit before deciding that it was too early yet and she would head home until I was farther along. Again, sleep was suggested. I smiled and agreed but knew that there was no sleep to be had. This is where some things get a little fuzzy.
When I started making odd noises through my contractions my husband decided to call the midwife and have her come back. I was wandering the upstairs of my house, going from bath to ball to rocking chair trying to use all of my bradley skills to relax(I am a doula and called myself a "bradley method master" before my baby was born).My midwife, her student, and my doula were encouraging and very background while I labored. My sister, my niece and my husband took turns being my primary support. My mom is handicapped and I found that I did not want to be downstairs,so I barely saw her. The contractions grew in intensity, but all was going fairly well. At some point the sun rose and I remember thinking that for my daughter to be born in the morning would be beautiful.
July 11, 2012
Several hours before I had been checked for dilation and been found at a three. A little discouraging, but I felt that progress had been made and I was content. Around midday my midwife asked to check me again and I agreed. I had been feeling that something was off, so I agreed. I had puked several times and felt some pressure along with shaking and dizziness so we all hoped it was transition. When I came up a "very nearly five" it was crushing. Everyone was hoping that I was in transition, the mood in the room changed palpably. I was asked how I wanted to continue, and I wanted to stay home and labor. I hoped things would improve and I would progress. For three more hours I labored puking every two contractions or so. The contractions were right on top of one another and never seemed to end. I was starting to scream through them, despite everyone trying to get me to vocalize in a better pattern. What I couldn't say, was that I was dizzy and getting moments of blackness in front of my eyes. I was dangerously close to passing out from exhaustion. I had no appetite and was vomiting everything I drank until I could not bear to swallow anything else. My midwife, the calmest woman I had ever met, was visibly concerned. She warned me about the risk of c-section if I did pass out. I needed to rest. Together with my husband, I made the hardest decision I have ever made, to go to the hospital and get an epidural so I could sleep and have a better chance at birthing my child under my own power.
The trip to the hospital was excruciating and I was barely seeing by the time we arrived. The waves of dizziness were getting longer and longer. I was actually glad to be wheeled into a room where people could help me. I had heard horror stories of the way women who have home birth transfers are treated and was very scared, but I was pleasantly surprised. My nurse was studying to be a midwife and was nothing but sympathetic and gentle with me. she held my hands while I got my epidural (while I begged to be able to "feel my baby come out") and assured me they would do everything they could to help. the moment the meds kicked in I was suddenly sleepy and thirsty. I slept for a few hours and then woke feeling restless but unable to move. I asked for my support team, and they were all able to come in! my midwife, sister, niece along with my husband were all the people who came to the hospital with me and they all were in my room. Slowly I started to notice that my contractions were becoming painful again, that I had full use of my legs, and that I had extreme pressure. I got my wish, I could feel my baby on the way out!
What follows is hazy, but I am told it was close to five hours of pushing-probably due to being stuck on my back. What I do remember is when it was past midnight someone noticed and wished my husband a happy saints day. I remember thinking it was funny that I took a little break from pushing to wish my hubby a happy saints day, only to start pushing again the next moment.
July 12, 2012
Finally, after so much effort I gave a huge push and felt my baby slip free of me. My husband placed her on my chest where she screamed and screamed while I cried and everyone else applauded or laughed. She latched on with desperation and we nursed for a long while. My second degree tear was stitched, my placenta sent to my freezer at home with my sister, and my little one weighed and measured.
So there you have it, the entrance of my ninja baby Anna Theodora, born July 12, 2012 at 1:26 am. Weighing 6lbs, 14.6 oz, 20 inches long. Three months later she is cooing up a storm, loves to hear her daddy sing, enjoys rides in the ergo carrier,and likes to nurse all night long snuggled with her mama.
The placenta is eaten, the newborn clothes outgrown, and life moves on-but the memories remain. I love you Anna, mama's little ninja baby!
 |
| Me, a couple days before the birth. |
I woke with the alarm going off to the feeling of contractions rippling across my stomach. This was nothing new, I had been in podromal labor for almost four weeks at this point. My husband was lying around in bed refusing to get up for work, I was desperate for the bathroom, it was just a normal morning. In the bathroom I noticed bloody show and mucus, nothing too exciting as you can lose a plug weeks before the birth, but this seemed to be "it". After experiencing several more contractions while reading up on true bloody show vs. loss of plug I informed my husband that this could be the day. All semblance of normalcy ceased as I called the midwife to let her know what was going on. She told me sometime in the next day seemed likely so I should eat a good meal and sleep,sleep,sleep. My husband should go to work if I did not feel that I needed him around, and I should try to act normal.
Well, as anyone who has ever known a woman going into labor will tell you, acting normally or sleeping is out of the question. Problem was I was exhausted, but I still refused to listen to reason. I sent my husband to work and cleaned the bathroom, ate a small breakfast, and finally fessed up about the mornings happenings to my niece who was staying with us to help before and after baby came. She of course made me recline on the couch in front of a movie, but I still kept getting up to clean this, or arrange that, or check the home birth supplies, or anything I could think of. I could hardly sit still at all! The contractions were becoming more noticeable by late afternoon so I called my husband to come home early thinking it could really get going any time now.
Once he was home I relaxed a bit more and tried to focus on resting while I could. I had almost no appetite, and felt as though eating were out of the question. I managed a few bites of dinner before giving up to sit on the birth ball and breathe my way through a few contractions. We decided to call my mom and sister who were coming for the birth and have them start the hour and a half trip to my house. Lying down became uncomfortable and I began wandering from the ball to the steps for leaning until they arrived. When they arrived we chatted for a while, telling them what to expect as neither had attended a home birth before when I felt the strangest urge to pee I had ever experienced. I went to the bathroom and experienced a gush of fluid-my water had broken! We called the midwife who asked if I felt that I needed her, but I said not yet. She advised that we all try to sleep- it was already ten at night and I been up since six after only three hours of sleep the night before. So off to sleeping spots we went.
Around midnight lying down became absolutely unbearable, so I called and had my midwife come. She asked if she could bring a student, which I okayed, and then told me to call the assistant/doula and have her set out. With everyone called I decided to try a bath to relax. The midwife took some heart tones when she arrived and talked with me a bit before deciding that it was too early yet and she would head home until I was farther along. Again, sleep was suggested. I smiled and agreed but knew that there was no sleep to be had. This is where some things get a little fuzzy.
When I started making odd noises through my contractions my husband decided to call the midwife and have her come back. I was wandering the upstairs of my house, going from bath to ball to rocking chair trying to use all of my bradley skills to relax(I am a doula and called myself a "bradley method master" before my baby was born).My midwife, her student, and my doula were encouraging and very background while I labored. My sister, my niece and my husband took turns being my primary support. My mom is handicapped and I found that I did not want to be downstairs,so I barely saw her. The contractions grew in intensity, but all was going fairly well. At some point the sun rose and I remember thinking that for my daughter to be born in the morning would be beautiful.
July 11, 2012
Several hours before I had been checked for dilation and been found at a three. A little discouraging, but I felt that progress had been made and I was content. Around midday my midwife asked to check me again and I agreed. I had been feeling that something was off, so I agreed. I had puked several times and felt some pressure along with shaking and dizziness so we all hoped it was transition. When I came up a "very nearly five" it was crushing. Everyone was hoping that I was in transition, the mood in the room changed palpably. I was asked how I wanted to continue, and I wanted to stay home and labor. I hoped things would improve and I would progress. For three more hours I labored puking every two contractions or so. The contractions were right on top of one another and never seemed to end. I was starting to scream through them, despite everyone trying to get me to vocalize in a better pattern. What I couldn't say, was that I was dizzy and getting moments of blackness in front of my eyes. I was dangerously close to passing out from exhaustion. I had no appetite and was vomiting everything I drank until I could not bear to swallow anything else. My midwife, the calmest woman I had ever met, was visibly concerned. She warned me about the risk of c-section if I did pass out. I needed to rest. Together with my husband, I made the hardest decision I have ever made, to go to the hospital and get an epidural so I could sleep and have a better chance at birthing my child under my own power.
The trip to the hospital was excruciating and I was barely seeing by the time we arrived. The waves of dizziness were getting longer and longer. I was actually glad to be wheeled into a room where people could help me. I had heard horror stories of the way women who have home birth transfers are treated and was very scared, but I was pleasantly surprised. My nurse was studying to be a midwife and was nothing but sympathetic and gentle with me. she held my hands while I got my epidural (while I begged to be able to "feel my baby come out") and assured me they would do everything they could to help. the moment the meds kicked in I was suddenly sleepy and thirsty. I slept for a few hours and then woke feeling restless but unable to move. I asked for my support team, and they were all able to come in! my midwife, sister, niece along with my husband were all the people who came to the hospital with me and they all were in my room. Slowly I started to notice that my contractions were becoming painful again, that I had full use of my legs, and that I had extreme pressure. I got my wish, I could feel my baby on the way out!
What follows is hazy, but I am told it was close to five hours of pushing-probably due to being stuck on my back. What I do remember is when it was past midnight someone noticed and wished my husband a happy saints day. I remember thinking it was funny that I took a little break from pushing to wish my hubby a happy saints day, only to start pushing again the next moment.
July 12, 2012
Finally, after so much effort I gave a huge push and felt my baby slip free of me. My husband placed her on my chest where she screamed and screamed while I cried and everyone else applauded or laughed. She latched on with desperation and we nursed for a long while. My second degree tear was stitched, my placenta sent to my freezer at home with my sister, and my little one weighed and measured.
 |
| My darling babe, fresh from the womb. |
So there you have it, the entrance of my ninja baby Anna Theodora, born July 12, 2012 at 1:26 am. Weighing 6lbs, 14.6 oz, 20 inches long. Three months later she is cooing up a storm, loves to hear her daddy sing, enjoys rides in the ergo carrier,and likes to nurse all night long snuggled with her mama.
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