Life with baby myths vs. reality

     When you first get pregnant many people are quick to fill you full of ideas about parenting that often seem blown out of proportion. They tell you their tales of woe and then, relieved of their perceived duty to the expectant parents, they leave you alone to experience it yourself. Some of the things they tell you are indeed the truth. For instance, babies will poop all day long and then all night long, especially those first couple weeks. The week after our daughter was born my husband announced that she was " six pounds poop, fourteen ounces of baby". Though technically incorrect (I think) it does sum up those first weeks of adjusting to newborn poo. However some things that are told to new parents are just myths. I call them myths because accusing the people who love you of lying to your face seems truly mean, but the fact remains that people perpetuate these myths. Here are six of those myths, together with their reality counterpart, because I want you to know the truth-even if it will give you a migraine.



1.Don't worry, you can sleep when the baby sleeps.  
     Uh yeah, right. It seems as though the moment you give birth people expect you to be able to sleep walk. And not just in the bump into walls, chat about your dreams way, they straight up expect you to accomplish things while you sleep. Some of these include: eating, showering, using the toilet, tidying a room or anything else that might need to be done. Of course if you ignore all of those things and sleep while the baby sleeps then soon your bedpan will overflow and you will have to put down the awake crying baby to clean it up. Really, it's better if you do some of this while the baby is asleep and learn to nurse side lying so you can nap while baby is awake and nursing. Learning to nurse and nap will save your life, and you'll be cleaner.


2.Oh that will fit her, it's a 6 month size and she'll be almost six months at easter/christmas/special occasion that requires special clothes.
     No, no it won't. Do you know why it won't? Because baby clothes lie, they are filthy filthy liars about when they will fit your child. You can almost never predict when something is going to fit your child unless you are buying it to be worn that week, and even then you have to look at the size and then hold it up and guess. "Well yeah, it says six months, but it looks smaller then that dress she just outgrew.." is how all shopping for baby clothes will go. Ninja baby is three months old and wearing some 3-6, some 3 and some   6-9 clothes. They all fit her, it's a little crazy to look through her drawer. Some of her 6 month clothes are snug, some would fall right off if I dressed her in them. Every brand is different, and every style is different. A 6 month onzie in brand A may fit while footie pajamas of the same brand hang off of her. My advice, buy too big- the baby will always grow, they will never shrink.

3. But you need a swing/bouncer/exersaucer/go pod/ door way bouncer/ stroller/ ergo/sling/pump/etc...
     Let me be very upfront about something right now: As I type, ninja baby is playing in her bouncy seat. I know, I know, some attachment parent-right? Honestly, I love to baby wear, I do it all the time, but sometimes I do set my baby down. For a short period of time, usually no more than twenty minutes, ninja baby will happily play in a bouncy seat or use her baby gym. When she fusses, I pick her up again. It's a nice break for the both of us. Point is, i'm not going to tell you that any of the items listed are evil, I just know that all you really need are diapers, blankets, clothes and boobs. Really, if you do E.C. in a warm climate you can boil it down to boobs. That's it. Everything else, the fancy stroller or baby carrier, the bouncy seat or the swing, it's all bonus. Sometimes the bonus is nice, but it's still a bonus. And yes, I know, before you all beat me up- some women are unable to breastfeed their children. I feel for them, and I am not referring to them. Unless you cannot physically breastfeed, all you need to care for an infant is boobs.

4. If you hold that baby all the time you will spoil her! 
     Let's break this down, shall we? To be spoiled is to have a sense of entitlement. To have a sense of entitlement, you must have a distinct sense of self. Therefore, it is impossible to spoil a baby because they have no sense of self. If your baby needs you (which they do, especially if they are crying) pick them up. Day or night, wherever you are, whatever you are doing.End of story.

5.  You will never have sex again. 
     Although every parent hears this a bit, it's even more common once you let on that your baby sleeps in your bed. Everyone assumes that A. Your bed is the only place to have sex, and B. the presence of a child in the house will deter the fun times. Truth be told, I chuckle when I get this reaction. Yes, that immediate postpartum time is long, and yes it may be a while before you are interested, but you will have sex again. You will have sex if for no other reason then the baby is sound asleep and you are feeling the sexiest you have in months-what with the clean hair and fresh pajamas and all. Sometimes, post baby, thats all it takes.

6.  It gets easier.
     I heard that one so much the first couple weeks.In fact I continue to hear it today, I don't buy it though. Yes, some things get easier. I no longer struggle to change a diaper in a tight corner in public. I know what her noises and cries mean and I can nurse that baby anywhere. But just because some things are easier does not mean the whole parenting job is easier, in fact everyday comes with new challenges. Like discovering that she can roll over and will roll right off the blanket I set her on if she so desires. So while the days of no sleep and colic will pass, different things will take their place. In the end, I think parenting will be hard for the rest of my life, just in many different ways. Hold and cuddle that baby while you can, one day they will be moving out and won't want mama snuggles anymore. I for one, am willing to hold on to todays challenges for a little bit longer.